Ping Bob Shrum

Though I am but a lowly, newbie blogger, I have just a wee bit of advice for you, Mr. Shrum, Your Highness:

If your candidate is a crushing bore, and if said candidate is due to make a prime-time speech on national television, a speech which may very well be the first glimpse many in the voting public will get of said candidate, it might be a good idea to limit said candidate's speech's length to something under, I don't know, say, 50 freaking minutes.

-- Your pal, Capt. Willard

"... while Kerry plans to devote nearly half of his remarks tonight to national security, his advisers say he does not plan to unveil an exit strategy or ambitious, detailed plans to replace the Iraq policy being followed by President Bush."

So, um, what is he going to talk about for nearly 25 minutes?

Oh, now I see: the speech is mostly written by Shrum. That means he'll probably spend 25 minutes twisting himself in florid, snooze-inducing verbal knots.

The horror, the horror.

I'm already nostalgic for Tuesday night. Or even Monday.

But here's a way to make it fun, PBR Street Gang: Take one swig of PBR every time Kerry dully intones some version of the verb "to fight."

Then you'll be drunk, bored and hip. OK, I guess that's not much fun after all. You could get that in Williamsburg without the 50-minute speech.

Carry on.