For our first pair of battling celebrities, we're pitting House Majority Leader Tom DeLay versus a Sack of Shit!
Mr. DeLay is in a whole heap o' trouble because the liberal media hates unborn babies and Terri Schiavo and loves a culture of death and making fun of Christians! A sack of shit is just a sack of shit.
Let's get ready to rrrrrrruuuummbbbllllllllle!!!
| Attribute |  |  | Advantage |
| Tom DeLay | Sack of Shit | ||
| Smell | "Just like the Beltway itself," says the WSJ op/ed page | Shit | Shit |
| Look | Frightens children | Amuses children | Shit |
| Sound | Texas twang | None | Shit |
| Taste | Desperation, sweat, money | Shit | Draw |
| Feel | Leathery, cool | Warm and squishy to dry and crusty | DeLay |
| Pros | Exchanges oxygen for carbon dioxide, helps plants grow; kills bugs | Decomposes, helps plants grow; attracts bugs | DeLay |
| Cons | Corrodes democratic institutions, discourse; unwelcome at parties | Unwelcome at parties | Shit |
Well, there you have it: despite a late charge by Tom DeLay, in the end he couldn't overcome the sack of shit. And think about it: if you had to choose between hanging out with Tom DeLay or hanging out with a sack of shit, that would be an easy choice, wouldn't it?
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